I Need You To Save Me
by x-backtoblack-x
Summary: Everyone grows up eventually. Aubrey was just forced to do it faster than most and just desperately wishes she hadn't.


"Hey Bree, wanna catch a movie tonight?" Chloe called, coming out of the bathroom towel drying her hair. "I thought it'd be cool for us to do something fun… I feel like I've hardly seen you this year." She explained casually.

"I can't." Aubrey sighed, not quite making eye contact with the red head when she answered. "I have plans." She added then, sounding almost hesitant, and Aubrey Posen was never hesitant.

"Oh, spill! Who is it?" Chloe smirked, instantly sliding onto the couch beside her best friend and nudging her relentlessly.

"No one important…. No need for you to worry." Aubrey teased, being able to effortlessly brush her friend off – three years of law had made her pretty good at avoiding awkward questions.

"Whatever Miss Secretive… just come home early and we can watch a film here." Chloe informed her, hopping off the couch then to return to the task of drying her hair, stopping when she was half ways towards the bathroom as if she'd forgotten something and rushing back towards the couch, planting a soft kiss on her best friend's cheek before pulling away with a smile. "Love you Bree... be safe tonight." She smiled, the term of endearment coming naturally to her when she spoke to the blonde.

"Love you too Chlo'." Aubrey smiled in return, still holding a hand to where she'd just been kissed long after the red head disappeared back into the bathroom.

She never knew what Chloe's kisses or flirtatious nature meant. The red head was like that with everyone sometimes, it just seemed more common with her. In fact most of the time their entire situation felt like a relationship, just without the actual relationship part.

Not that she had time to consider that now though. She didn't have time to consider anything now in fact, she had to go.

She pulled herself slowly from the couch, and when she was sure Chloe wasn't going to emerge from the bathroom, let the fluffy blue bath robe she'd been wearing fall from her slight frame, revealing a black corset and knee high suspenders.

She sighed as she pulled on a black trench coat and slipped into black stilettos. Maybe if things were easier she could actually pursue whatever it was that was between her and Chloe. Things weren't easier though, and as she slipped out the door and made her way briskly towards the taxi rank, she knew that as much as she was sure she was in love with Chloe, she could never, and would never, do a thing about it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_How much for a night?"_

"…_I'm sixteen you pervert!"_

"_Look, I know your dad kiddo. He's shit his money away and now you're not going to get a college education. I'm doing you a favour."_

"_You're disgusting, just leave me alone!" _

"_I have three hundred dollars in my wallet and my room number is three fifty seven. It's your choice. You can either be daddy's uneducated little failure or you can work for what you want like the rest of us."_

"_I…"_

"_Three hundred dollars. You get that a few times over and you've got your first year paid. Everyone becomes a slut eventually. I'll be waiting."_

_She shouldn't have followed him, but she did. She walked into that room after him and left her childhood at the door. It must have just slipped her mind to pick it up on the way out again._

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

Aubrey rolled over when she heard the door shut, her eyes falling on the ten crisp hundred dollar bills on the bedside. When she reached out for the money she noticed the bruise that was already beginning to form on her forearm and cursed internally. Another lie that needed to be added to the web she was tangled in.

James was always rough, but who was she to complain. She needed them more than they needed her. She was their nothing, and they were her everything, financially anyway. She was nothing more than the pretty little whore that could demand a price because she wasn't filth from the streets. She didn't kid herself for a second though. There were plenty of other pretty little whores out there too, she was nothing special. Not to them, and not to anyone else.

Anyone but Chloe that was.

Everyone had something that kept them going when things were rough, and Chloe was hers. She was the one that was there with a smile when Aubrey felt her world was crumbling around her. She was the one that was there with silent support when Aubrey couldn't bring herself to face another day of the demeaning existence she'd carved out for herself.

She was the one there to give Aubrey just the tiniest piece of hope that maybe, just maybe, she would be good enough someday. Not now. Not today. But someday. Someday when money would no longer be an issue and when she could look at herself in the mirror and know that the scars of her past were truly in her past and that she wasn't that person anymore. That she wasn't _this_ person anymore.

That's what Chloe was to her. Chloe was her salvation. It's what prompted Aubrey to crawl out of that hotel bed and dress herself again, rather than lie there and let all the time in the world pass her by until the knowing of who she was faded into a distant dream.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Awe yes, you're home!" Chloe called gleefully when Aubrey stepped through the door. "I'd all but given up hope I'd have someone to watch Mean Girls with." The red head feigned horror.

"Chlo' you've seen that film so many times are you not just able to close your eyes and watch it scene by scene in your head at this point?" Aubrey laughed, finding it easy to fall back into this life she pretended to have when she was around Chloe – which was really just another reason to love her, she could make her feel normal, even if Aubrey didn't believe it herself.

"Then I wouldn't get to watch it with you though." Chloe pointed out. "And that's the best part." She added, causing the blonde to blush.

"Just let me change into my pyjamas… you put on some popcorn." Aubrey nodded then, knowing she hadn't stood a chance anyway when up against Chloe's mesmerizingly blue eyes.

It was easy like this and it happened a lot, especially now that they were into their last year and Aubrey had her additional year of a law internship to consider paying for. She came home and put on something that made her feel like her, even if it was a façade. Then she's sit on the couch and pop in the DVD, Chloe arriving seconds later and throwing herself onto Aubrey's lap, more often than not simply sitting in it for the entirety of the film, curled in as tight to the blondes side as she could while the popcorn rested on her knees.

Chloe quoted Mean Girls like it's what she was born to do and just sometimes Aubrey found herself being more caught up in the woman's whispered dialogue rather than the dialogue on screen. Her phone buzzing tore her back to reality though.

_Tomorrow 7pm, same place. I'm feeling lonely baby ;)_

The involuntary shudder that ran through Aubrey was what drew Chloe's attention away from the screen.

"You okay?" The red head questioned, noticing the phone yet knowing her best friend was weird about her looking through her messages, so opting to try and catch the blonde's eye instead.

She could tell her. Just spill the beans. Announce right here and right now what exactly was going on, and why no, no she was not alright. She wanted out. She wanted to be able to look at herself in the mirror and not hate the person that looked back, cold and empty. She wanted to be able to love someone, and make love _to_ someone without feeling like it was just another one of her lies. In fact she was pretty sure that person she wanted to love was Chloe, but she kept her mouth shut.

She kept it shut because no one could really love a whore.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_That's disgusting! You do that to make money?"_

"_It's not what you think, I don't have a choice!"_

"_Everyone has a choice you idiot. You get a real fucking job like a normal person. You don't become some cheap hooker!"_

"_You really think I didn't try getting a normal job?! I'm desperate! I've two years until I graduate and my father used my college fund to pay back some of his debts. Not that it matters, I'm nothing but a whore now anyway…"_

"_Oh so at least you see how cheap you are."_

"_Hey, I know you're shocked or whatever but you're meant to be my best friend, you're not supposed to judge me like this."_

"_Oh grow up. You think I'd associate myself with dirt like you?"_

"… _What?"_

"_Seriously, I want to be a politician. I can't have people know that when I was seventeen my best friend was some business man's piece of ass."_

"_I trusted you. I fucking trusted you with this! You said I could tell you anything and this was it. This was my anything. The one think I needed to get off my chest."_

"_Ever hear the saying "some things are best left unsaid"?"_

_Silence. As the last part of her real world collapsed there was nothing but silence._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The only thing about leading a double life is that keeping those lives separate isn't always easy, no matter how hard you try, or how many precautions you take.

"Okay girls, one more time from the top!" Aubrey sighed in frustration, baffled that they weren't able to do the simple steps in their sleep at this point. "It's left, right, up, down, side, side, side, jump." She called out for what felt like the millionth time.

"Aubrey it's half six… we've been here four hours already." Fat Amy whined, practically doubled over in exhaustion. "I think my legs are on fire." She added.

"What did you say?" Aubrey suddenly snapped.

"That I think my legs are on fire." Amy continued to moan, now massaging the back of her thighs.

"It's half six?" Aubrey questioned, rushing to her jacket which was thrown across the piano to check her phone for the time.

"Well yea, I said that too… but I think you're missing the real key element here." Amy huffed, the rest of the Bellas smirking over her obvious distain at the situation.

"Bree… you okay?" Chloe queried, being the only member of the group that wasn't focused on Amy as she watched Aubrey's eyes go wide.

"I need to go!" Aubrey bit her lip, looking up at her best friend apologetically.

"But what about…" Chloe started, her shock only increasing when the blonde cut her off.

"Chloe I'm sorry, I just need to go!" She snapped, already pulling on her jacket. "I'll probably be home about nine or so." She added as an afterthought, half running towards the door.

No one really knew what to say. Whoever that girl had been it hadn't been their tyrannical leader, who come hell or high water wouldn't ditch a practice. Each member of the team was worried, all looking at Chloe for some sort of indicator as to how they should express their concern.

"Go home." Chloe told them with a shrug, slumping into the chair behind her. "The only steps I know to the routine are my own so yea… go home; I can't show you guys without her." She explained, looking to be deep in thought while she spoke.

Beca merely waved goodbye to her fellow Bellas when they left the rehearsal space, like the others wondering what had just happened yet not daring to as much as whisper her speculations. Sure she was no pro on the whole girls thing, or on social interaction in general, but what had happened was odd, and she knew that just as well as anyone else. She wasn't particularly fond of the blonde though, so for now chose to brush it off, instead making her way back over to her dorm.

Her mind didn't really leave the topic though, and when she saw the same blonde darting across the street towards a taxi rank she followed her, even though she knew she shouldn't. She felt like an idiot saying it, but "follow that cab" rolled from her tongue the second she slid into the back seat of her own taxi.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Don't think about it. It's not real and it's not happening. Just don't think about it.

That's Aubrey's golden rule. The mantra she lives by from the second she walks into the lobby of any hotel. She smiles at the receptionist, knowing that the dark haired woman with the square rimmed glasses behind the counter knows what she is, and knowing that she feels the authority to look down on her for it.

Aubrey would be mad. She should be mad in fact, but how could she be? Was the woman not right? Was she nothing more than common filth dressed up in lace? She thought she was.

No, she knew she was.

"Someone called for room service?" It was a line. It was part of the script for how the night would go.

Next she'd remove her jacket to reveal the skimpy maid attire she'd been requested to wear. She'd strut around the room for a while pretending to clean for the man – he called himself Tom, but no one ever gave the whore their real name.

Then it was his turn. He'd remove his trousers to reveal his erection. He'd strut around her like she was a piece of meat – she was though, wasn't she?

It never lasted very long. In out, in out, in out, her moans intensifying as part of the script to reassure him he was doing a good enough job to make the slut enjoy herself. In out, in out, in out, a genuine scream passing her lips as her dry flesh began to chafe. In out, in out, in out, his grunts becoming more piggish and revolting as his shapeless sweaty body threatened to suffocate her. At least it was nearly over. In out, in out, in out, finally the scream she'd been waiting to hear followed by the shuddering collapse of his mass on top of her.

There was no bed talk, no common curtsy to make her feel more human. The money was thrown on the counter the second he had the energy to roll off her. They always left before she did. Slamming the door behind them as if nothing in the room was of any value to them – probably because she wasn't.

She always wondered if they left before she did because somewhere inside them they knew she was human? Knew she needed this time alone to hold herself, to cry to herself, to promise herself that one day she'd ignore the text or call.

Probably not though. It was probably their wives that drove them away from her in the end. Back to their perfect life. She often wondered if they knew what their husbands done? If they hated her even though they'd never seen her face? She knew she would.

If she lay for long enough she was sure she could physically feel the self-loathing consume her. The wave like feeling of hatred coursing through her veins like hot pokers. Like her skin wanted to peel off her. Like her mind wanted to scream but hated her too much to even give herself the satisfaction of that one release.

No amount of showers were enough. They never had been. The money she scooped up from the counter wasn't even enough reassurance that what she was doing was for the right reasons anymore. No amount of convincing herself that being a well-respected lawyer would be worth it worked anymore.

It had at the start maybe, but not anymore.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_This your first time?"_

"… _No…"_

"_Don't lie to me little slut."_

"… _It's not a lie."_

"_How much of a slut are you?"_

"_I'm not… I'm not a slut. I just…"_

"_You just fuck men for cash."_

"… _It's not…"_

"_Don't try and bullshit me, and don't cry either. It's not becoming of you."_

"… _Sorry. I'm sorry."_

"_It's sweet you think I care enough to want an apology. You're a fuck kiddo and a good one too, but nothing more; and you never will be either."_

"_That's a lie. I will be something more."_

"_You think that. You think being a doctor or a teacher or a lawyer when you grow up will mean you're not this anymore, but when I throw down these notes on the bed you're going to take them, just like you've taken them from men before me, and just like you'll take them from men after me, and that's who you'll always be. You'll always be the girl who lay on her back for a living, no matter how far up the food chain you think you've moved."_

_It's funny how no one really knows they have a soul until they feel it shatter._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A quick getaway, that's what was key. No sauntering through the lobby. People like her didn't saunter or strut or slow down at all. That way they'd have more time to look down on her. So she walked; hell Aubrey would run if she could but that was almost as bad as sauntering. She walked with your head held high as if the glances and more obvious stares she knew she was getting didn't bother her.

Usually she got away with it. Today though her heart stops dead in her chest the second she realizes she hadn't.

"Aubrey?" The voice sounds almost as shocked as the blonde felt upon hearing it, freezing on the spot as she turned slowly to meet Beca's confused blue eyes. "What are you…?"

"Stop!" Aubrey snapped, cutting her off instantly before glancing around to make sure her outburst hadn't drawn any unnecessary attention to her. "Just… just don't." She sighed, her fear having rooted her to the spot.

She felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes. Why was this happening? How had she been caught? And by Beca of all people. The DJ knew how much Aubrey hated her and made no secret of her desire to control the Bellas. This was perfect ammo to use against her.

"I just… I'll do what you want, let you arrange the set any way you want, just… just don't tell." She felt herself whimper, biting her lip and willing the tears that fogged her vision not to fall. Not until she was safely away at least.

"I'm not going to tell." Beca informed her, sounding more shocked at the blonde's accusation than she had when she'd seen Aubrey walk towards her, in what looked like nothing but a black trench coat and heels.

"What…?" Was all the taller woman could manage, figuring there was a catch somewhere.

"Look Aubrey, it's no secret that you're not my favourite person, but whatever this is…" Beca motioned briefly at the blonde. "It's something that I'd never _ever _hold against you or anyone for that matter. Whatever… whatever led you here in life isn't something I'm going to question you on or something I'm going to tell people about. I swear on my life."

"You mean that?" Aubrey whispered, finally daring to take a step towards Beca, who'd been sitting at a coffee table in the reception area. "You really mean it?"

"You're not used to this are you?" Beca sighed. "People actually hearing you out rather than presuming the worst."

"No I… I can't say I am." Aubrey confessed, hesitating a moment before deciding it would be safe to sit across from the other woman, still acutely aware of the people around her, no doubt judging every aspect of her.

"You know, if it makes you feel any better I'll floor anyone that actually has the balls to say something to you." Beca smirked, noticing the way Aubrey's eyes darted fervently.

"It's okay. They do have reason to stare after all." Aubrey almost managed to smile, though the words came out broken and the smile appeared twisted. "I mean look at what I am."

"Don't say that." Beca demanded instantly. "You think I didn't get my fair share of nasty looks in high school? The girl with the piercings and the fucked up family? You think I let it stop me though?"

"That's different and you know it!" Aubrey spat, anger suddenly flaring. "You were a misunderstood alt girl, I'm a… I'm a…" She faltered, tears welling in her eyes once more that were this time impossible to fight back as one rolled down her cheek, followed by another, and another.

"You're misunderstood too Aubrey." Beca told her, making no move to comfort the blonde in fear that it wouldn't go down well. "All these people think it's okay to judge you, just like they thought it was okay to judge me. Well it's not because I guarantee you, each and every one of those fuckers have done something in their lives that they'd rather die than have the whole world know about, so remember that next time… Your secret may be more obvious, but it doesn't make it worse."

"Doesn't make it any easier to live with either though…" Aubrey confessed quietly, never making eye contact as she wiped away the tears.

"Does Chloe know?" Beca questioned rather than respond directly to what the blonde had said.

"No." Aubrey sighed, raking a hand through her mused hair. "No and she never will if I can help it." She added mournfully.

"That's not fair on her." Beca pushed, confidant she knew what was best for the blonde and her best friend.

"Yea well, life's not fucking fair." Aubrey grunted, not really possessing the will to argue at this point.

"She deserves to know Aubrey." Beca insisted. "Even if you don't think so. She can be the one to help you… to be there for you."

"I can't. She can't." Aubrey sighed, looking Beca in the eye again. "I love her Beca, I really, really do, but every time I think that maybe I could tell her how I manage to pay my way through college… I can't. What if she hates me? What then? Or what if even worse she pretends she doesn't, but we're never the same again… she never loves me again?"

"How much do you love her?" Beca prompted, never breaking eye contact when she spoke. "Like really, how much?"

"More than anything. More than I ever thought possible. The amount of times I've wanted to just kiss her, but I can't. I can't be with her when I'd go out and cheat on her every night, and I can't tell her how I feel or who I am because… because this is the truth, this is the reality." She whispered, pointing to herself.

"I think you're giving her less credit than she's due." Beca told her honestly. "I think she's stronger than we all give her credit for."

"I never said it was her that wasn't strong enough."

The silence that fell on them after that was deafening to both their ears. Neither knew how to fill it and neither was sure they would even if they could. Eventually it was Beca that took the chance.

"You're… you're okay though? Like… You'd tell me if, I dunno, something really messed up was happening or like… Things were getting way out of control?" The brunette questioned awkwardly. "Because I'd help, or I'd try to."

"Fear not." Aubrey actually managed to smile. "The worst that's ever happened to me is being short changed… I can… I can handle this." She tried to reassure her friend.

"Just as long as you're not in over your head." Beca nodded. "I don't want to see you get fucked up, even if it's not really my place to stop you."

"I'm fine. I'll always be fine." The blonde reassured her, standing then to indicate they should leave.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_Hi Aubrey, I'm Doctor Harrison."_

"_I uh… I had some tests run a few days ago, I was feeling ill."_

"_That's right. Aubrey, have you been sexually active in the last few months?"_

"_I uh…"_

"_Aubrey, you're eighteen now, I'm not going to tell your parents. Whatever you say here is in confidence."_

"_I have, yes."_

"_And was protection used each time?"_

"_Oh god… oh god."_

"_Now Aubrey I don't want you to panic."_

"_I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant aren't I?"_

"_You're two months along."_

"_Fuck. Shit. No, no, no, this can't be happening, no."_

"_I just need you to calm down Aubrey, I have leaflets here on all your options, and I can talk you through them now if you…"_

"_Abortion."_

"_Pardon?"_

"_It's my only option."_

"_That's not true, there's adoption or a whole host of other paths you could at least look into before making a final…"_

"_You don't understand. I have to go to college in September and I have to pay for a way to get there because my parents can't afford it. I can hardly support myself, never mind a child, and even if I could… I'm not… I'm just a kid. I'm just a scared little girl who made a mistake that she's going to regret for the rest of her life. I don't want to have a kid with my regret on its shoulders as well."_

"_Aside from obvious moral issues, abortion can be risky…"_

"_I know, and I also know that this isn't something I should consider lightly. This isn't me taking an easy way out, because I know it's not the easy way. I know I'll be haunted by this for the rest of my life, but I also know it's what I need to do to survive. What's inside me is a kidney bean, right? It can't feel or hear or do anything. It's not a person that I need to protect, not yet anyway, but I am. I need to protect me, and I know it sounds selfish, but there's so many things that would go bad if I kept this baby, too many to even think about."_

"_You're sure?"_

"_I am. I'd like to book an appointment for as soon as possible."_

_Her mantra had always been "when you can't handle something, handle it anyway". She was starting to wonder now if perhaps she hadn't considered that in the real world, where she wasn't protected by the sanctity of childhood, this just wasn't enough._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

To Beca's credit she never once compromised Aubrey on purpose. In fact their routine went back to being much the same as before. They'd have their fights at rehearsals that at least once a week would lead to one of them storming out, and they still shot genuine daggers at one another the rest of the time.

It was like a double life though. The Beca and Aubrey that bickered constantly was one side of a coin that flipped to reveal the Beca that waited up on nights she knew Aubrey was out, and the Aubrey that would slump against the brunettes door after a particularly bad night, never knocking, and simply waiting until the DJ appeared to either usher her in if her room was free, or to walk with her back to her apartment. Sometimes they talked. Most of the time Aubrey just needed someone to remind her she was human and remind her she was worthy of a friend, especially as her skin still crawled from their touch.

No, it was fair to say that Beca never once compromised Aubrey intentionally. Sometimes though, one thing can just lead to another.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Chloe!" Aubrey screeched, eyes going wide as she ran in from the living room and dived towards the pot on the cooker that was boiling over, spilling water all over the hob.

"Oh shit." The red head winced, watching as the blonde battled with the pot. "I forgot, sorry." She added, looking up for the first time in twenty minutes from where she'd been playing angry birds on her phone.

"Only you could burn pasta Chlo'." Aubrey sighed, holding up the charred remains of what was supposed to have been their dinner.

"Well this is what happens when you decide we should split household tasks evenly…" Chloe mumbled. "I told you, I'd be more than happy to do washing every day if you made dinner."

"You realize there's days when I get home late… what'll you do then?" Aubrey questioned with a quirked brow.

"That's why take away was invented Bree." The red head teased, walking over to her best friend and wrapping her arms around her from behind, resting her head on her shoulder. "And that's exactly what we should get now." She added; smiling into the side of Aubrey's face as her hands slowly extracted their burned dinner from the blonde's hands, throwing it back in the saucepan.

"Do I've any choice but to say yes?" Aubrey sighed, finding herself unable to resist leaning back into Chloe's embrace.

"No, no you do not." The red head replied enthusiastically, unravelling herself then and skipping towards the phone, dialling the Pizza Hut number from memory – a life skill that Aubrey wasn't too happy the other woman had.

As Chloe rattled off their order Aubrey heard her phone buzz in the other room and with one final smirk and shake of her head in the red heads direction went off in search of the electronic, finding it lying on the couch.

_Meet me in an hour, same place as usual. I'll pay double for the short notice ;)_

Her stomach dropped. This wasn't meant to happen. This was her night with Chloe. They were going to make pasta – well, pizza now – and have a movie marathon and just stay curled up on the couch until they both fell asleep together half ways through the third or fourth film.

She couldn't refuse though. He was a customer she couldn't afford to lose and the offer of double the cash was something she just couldn't turn her back on, especially with her loan payment for this semester being due any day now.

"Pizza shall be here in a few minutes." Chloe chirped, practically skipping into the room and throwing herself on the couch, motioning for Aubrey to join her. "Now, what do you propose we watch first…? I'm in the mood for White Chicks, but I picked first last time so it's totally up to you." She rambled, oblivious to the pained expression on her best friends face.

"Chlo'." Aubrey started with a long sigh, avoiding eye contact at all costs. "Would you hate me if I said I had to be somewhere in an hour?" she groaned, already able to see the light in the red heads eyes extinguish.

"Oh…" Chloe puffed out, looking around her at the DVD's she'd meticulously laid out for their evening. "Uh no… I mean… it's fine." She nodded after a moment, plastering a fake smile on her face.

"Don't." Aubrey sighed, sitting down beside her. "Don't lie it's not fine, I'm an asshole. I just can't bail on this and… Christ I'm such a dick." She scolded, feeling the self-loathing rise up inside her when Chloe's smile just didn't hide the sorrow in her eyes.

"Bree it's okay really. I mean sure I was looking forward to this but I've a paper to write anyway, I'll just do that and we can do this tomorrow night or something." She informed her, forcing her smile even harder this time, almost as if she were willing Aubrey to just believe her.

"I don't deserve you." Aubrey sighed, wrapping her arms around the red heads shoulders and pulling her close. "You're always so good to me, even when I'm an ass."

"You just got lucky." Chloe smiled into the other woman's hair, pulling back a little then to plant a kiss in the blonde's cheek. "Now go, I'll be fine."

"You're the best." Aubrey smiled, standing then and grabbing her coat that was draped over the back of the couch.

She ran to her room to grab the bag that she kept her "work clothes" in before she left, knowing that with Chloe at home she'd have no choice but to change on the way there. She could feel it in the pit of her stomach; this was going to be one of the worse nights when it should have been hers and Chloe's. It just wasn't fair.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Beca didn't answer her door right away when Aubrey slumped up against it. Usually she'd wait, but tonight something inside her just couldn't shake the gut churning loathing she had for herself, not even long enough to wait for her friend to open a door.

She just needed someone to talk to.

When the door did open Aubrey noticed she wasn't immediately pulled into the room by Beca's comforting hands, nor was she led slowly away by the same hand on her back. It took her a second to realize why exactly this was though.

"Aubrey…?" Chloe's brow was creased in confusion.

"Chloe." Aubrey didn't know what else to say to the red head; didn't know how to even begin to explain what was going on or why she was here looking the way she looked.

"Why are you…? Where are your clothes…? Oh." Sudden realization seemed to dawn on Chloe's face. "You and… You and Beca. That's why… Oh." Was all she said before Aubrey felt a sharp knock to the shoulder that almost toppled her as auburn hair flew past her down the hall.

"No, Chloe!" Beca appeared then, shouting after the red head as she ignored the shell shocked blonde at her side. "Chloe come back!" She cried, letting out a frustrated sigh as the other woman disappeared around a corner. "Well fuck."

Aubrey watched the entire event unfold but felt more like a third party looking in on what was happening until Beca turned to face her, the brunettes grey blue eyes boring into her own green ones, pulling her out of her trance.

"You need to go after her. You need to go after her now." Beca stated instantly, already trying to pull Aubrey off the wall she'd fallen into when Chloe pushed past her.

"No I can't." Aubrey tried to stop her, pushing the smaller woman's arms away. "Tell me what happened."

"Aubrey she was here telling me she loves you." Beca confessed, her words cutting through Aubrey's soul. "She told me how much she loved you and she told me she knows something's up but she just keeps trying to ignore it because you've always been like this and you just won't talk to her about it and then you showed up and now… now she thinks we're seeing one another."

"Did you tell her the truth?" Aubrey whispered, eyes having gone dead in her head.

"Of course I didn't." Beca's head shook twice. "That's for you and you alone to tell her."

"I'm sorry you had to be dragged into everything like this. It's not fair that now you have to lie about this too…" Aubrey sighed, finally pulling herself away from the door.

"Wait, what?" Beca asked incredulously, blocking the blonde when she made an attempt to move past Beca into the room.

"I mean I'm sorry you have to lie about… well about us being an item." Aubrey elaborated.

"I don't, and I won't." Beca's reply was icy as her body seemed to bulk up in the doorway.

"What…?"

"Aubrey, no. I'm not lying to Chloe for you. I've said from the start that you need to tell her and now's your chance. Go after her Aubrey and explain the truth to her." The brunette pleaded.

"I… what if she hates me… I can't." Aubrey muttered, tears lining her eyes ready to fall.

"She loves you Aubrey. She loves you and nothing you could ever tell her will change that, trust me." Beca promised, smiling sadly at her friend.

"You make it seem so easy." Aubrey half laughed. "We've been best friends since our first day at Barden… I can't lose that."

"You won't." Beca shook her head again. "I promise."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_You know Bree… Oh! Is it okay if I call you Bree?"_

"_Uh… I guess."_

"_Cool! Well, you know Bree I'm a firm believer that two people can't be best friends until they know one another's secrets!"_

"_We're best friends now then?"_

"_Well, we will be! Just tell me something you've never told anyone… or something barely anyone knows about you… your deepest darkest secret!"_

"_Chloe, we've known one another four hours!"_

"_I swear I won't judge you. I'll never judge you. That's another thing best friends do, they support one another no matter what."_

"_Why do you want to do this?"_

"_My best friend… my old best friend, was meant to be coming here to Barden with me. We had it all planned. We'd room together; we'd get a place together in our second or third year off campus. Everything was going to be perfect, just like you see in movies and stuff."_

"_What happened?"_

"_Drunk driver. A few months before we were due to graduate together."_

"_I'm sorry…"_

"_Me too."_

"_My darkest secret is that sometimes I really hate my dad."_

"_That's it?"_

"… _Yea…"_

"_Well then, I guess I have a new best friend."_

_You'd think lying would come naturally to her by now. It was just something about the way Chloe's arms wrapped around her in that second and pulled her into a hug. Lying suddenly hurt just as much as the truth did._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Chloe!" Her scream seemed to echo around the empty quad as Aubrey sprinted to catch up with the head of auburn hair that was flying away from her. "Chloe!" She screeched again, her grip on everything around her seeming to fade as the red head moved further and faster away from her.

It wasn't until they ran down the long corridor to their apartment that Aubrey finally managed to wrap her fingers around the other woman's arm, wincing as Chloe jerked her arm free of the grasp, never once even bothering to look back as she done so. It was like a slap, but Aubrey had been on the receiving end of plenty of them, metaphorical or otherwise, she just needed to do what she always done; keep going.

"Chloe, please?" She begged voice dropping to a whisper as they finally stopped at the apartment door, the blonde not daring to step close to the other woman as Chloe blindly fumbled with her keys to get the door open; tears and rage seeming to overpower her slight frame.

"Don't." Chloe's words were a low snarl when she finally shoved the door open and stormed inside. "Just don't." she added in the same tone, not seeming to know what to do with herself as she merely stood in the middle of the room looking at the floor, liable to explode at any second.

"Beca and I…" Aubrey began, tears beginning to sting at her eyes in spite of herself. "Beca and I uh…"

"Yea, I get it, you're fucking." Chloe spat, hands balling into fists when she spoke, her body practically vibrating with rage.

"No… no we're not Chloe." Aubrey whimpered, more scared about revealing the truth than living the lie.

"You don't need to spare me Aubrey. It's not like we were a couple. We were just…" Chloe faltered, seemingly at a loss for words when it came to describing what they were. "We were just whatever name you put on two people who love one another, and who would do anything for one another, and that are more or less in a fucking relationship except they're both too scared to take the next step. That's all we were, or that's all I thought we were anyway. At least now I know. I know I was wrong."

"No!" Aubrey cried, the obvious desperation in the word stemming for her need for Chloe to listen now or perhaps never know the truth. "No." She repeated again, looking to the sky for a way to collect her thoughts. "Beca and I are friends… unlikely friends, but friends none the less and we never have, and never will fuck one another, or do anything else for that matter. This thing me and you kind of have is all I want. Actually no, that's a lie, I want more than that but I'm not able to offer it to you, and even if I was I wouldn't want you to take it."

"You're making no sense." Chloe sighed, pinching her nose and shutting her eyes against the confrontation.

"I can never be who you want me to be Chloe because…" Her words caught in her throat causing her to make a vulnerable whimpering noise.

"Because?" Chloe questioned, seeming curious rather than angry that Aubrey had stopped mid-sentence.

It was now or never. She either told Chloe everything or nothing at all, and if she wanted to keep whatever they had, if she wanted to keep their friendship at least, well then it needed to be everything.

"Because I've been keeping something form you." She finally whispered, the words seeming to hang in the air until she found a way to continue. "I've been keeping something from you for… for four years now and to be honest I never thought I'd have to tell you, but recently… recently I've been running out of excuses not to because you're my everything Chloe. You're what keeps me going even though sometimes my life sucks more than I care to tell you, and I want you to be in my life forever, but to do that I need to be open and honest with you and… I'm so, so scared to do that."

"Bree…" Chloe softened instantly, moving towards the blonde and taking both of her hands, squeezing them lightly. "I love you. I love you so much and nothing you could ever tell me will change that." She promised, brushing her lips against one of the blonde's knuckles after she spoke.

"You say that now…" Aubrey choked out a bitter laugh, averting her eyes in shame even before she spoke.

"And I'll say it again once you've told me whatever it is you need to say." Chloe swore, her grasp only tightening around Aubrey's fingers.

"When I…" She faltered again, looking down to where her hands were grasped firmly by the red heads before taking a breath and continuing. "When I leave at night, I'm… I'm meeting men."

"Aubrey what…"

"I'm a hooker Chloe. Men pay me for sex so I can get through college." Her face contorted as hot fast tears rolled down her face and slid off her chin towards the ground.

The air was tense. The room was silent. Everything seemed to stop, yet not once did Chloe let Aubrey's hands drop. It was still a long moment before the red head could speak though.

"I love you." She finally whispered; though her words sounded hollow, not full of joy and laughter like those words were meant to sound. "I told you I'd say it once you said what you had to say. I still love you Aubrey…"

"Is that all you have to say?" Her words here hoarse; perhaps made more painful by the emptiness and shock she could see in Chloe's eyes.

"I'm not sure what else to say right now." The red head confessed eventually. "All I know is that I still love you, and once we talk about it I'll probably love you even more."

So they did. They talked about it. Chloe guided Aubrey to the couch and then she sat and listened, never once interrupting as Aubrey recounted in the most painful detail everything leading to now. Her father's bankruptcy, the first man that had suggested it, the first time she'd felt so little and insignificant that she didn't want to go on, the first time she'd told her best friend and she'd been abandon, her abortion. Everything. Everything right up to Beca finding out and how she'd come to be at Beca's door tonight.

Everything.

By the end she had no more tears left to cry and no more words left to say. She was broken. She was truly broken as she sat silently waiting for Chloe to respond. Waiting for Chloe to brush her broken shards aside, or try her best to glue them back together.

Chloe didn't respond to her with words though. Instead she cupped her cheek, wiping away tears as she done so, and pulled their lips together. It was soft and it was tender and it was salty from both their tears. It lasted only seconds before Aubrey felt the red head pull back and rest their heads together.

"What…" Aubrey began to question, being cut short by the other woman.

"I don't know." Chloe confessed. "All I know is that I still wanted to do it, even after everything you just told me and I'm not sure exactly what that means, and I'm still not sure what to make of everything you just said, but I still wanted to kiss you after all that, so I did."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_Do you believe in love at first sight mom?"_

"_No honey, no I don't. Do you?"_

"_No… not really. What do you believe in then?"_

"_Honey where're all these questions coming from?"_

"_I met someone at college. I think I might be in love with them, but I'm not sure."_

"_Well in that case… I believe in falling in love, gradually and over time. It's like a fine wine. You have to leave it to mature before you can taste it, but when you do the wine that's been left to mature properly always tastes the best."_

"_How do you know you uh… how do you know you picked the right bottle?"_

"_There're hints. They need to bring something into your life that you need, be it hope, or positivity, or laughter, or maybe all of the above. They need to be able to understand you in a way you can't even understand yourself. A way that makes you want to better yourself for their sake. A way that lets you know you're special, even if you don't always feel it. Aside from that, you just know. Aside from all logic and reasoning you just know."_

"_Oh…" _

"_So?"_

"_So what?"_

"_Are you in love?"_

"_Yea… yea I am."_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chloe led Aubrey to bed after that. They didn't do anything; just lay there, wrapped in one another's arms wordlessly. Aubrey thought personally that was because Chloe knew where her body had been, and no matter what happened, nothing could change that now. She didn't say that though, she just lay there in silence, letting Chloe run her hand through her hair and ease her off to sleep.

It's how she woke the next morning too, still wrapped in Chloe's embrace, still warm from the heat radiating off Chloe's body. Happy. She woke up happy for the first time in so long.

"Good morning." Chloe murmured, watching as Aubrey pried open her sleep heavy eyes, leaning down to place a quick peck on the blondes lips, drawing back quickly and sucking her bottom lip into her mouth as she looked adoringly at the woman in her arms.

"Morning." Aubrey replied with a smile, unable to help the blush that crept across her cheeks under Chloe's intense stare.

"Sleep well?" Chloe's tone was soft and inviting, almost as if this were the norm for them, which begged the question would it be from now on?

"I did actually, yea." It wasn't that she had ever been a light sleeper; Aubrey just found she often wasn't able to have a dreamless sleep, not anymore anyway.

"You want breakfast?" Chloe smiled then, already disentangling herself from their mess of limbs as she rose gracefully from the bed, throwing a bath robe over her pyjamas.

"I always want breakfast." Aubrey smiled, her eyes following Chloe as the red head slipped on a pair of fluffy socks and moved towards the door. "Chlo'…" She called, just as the other woman wrapped her hand around the door knob.

"Mhm?" Chloe replied wordlessly, head turning to face the blonde lying in her bed.

"Is this it?" She didn't want to ask it, but knew she had to know where they stood.

"No…" Chloe sighed, biting her lower lip as her cheery façade faltered, just for a second.

"Can I ask…?" Aubrey sighed, she didn't want to finish the sentence, and could tell from the way Chloe turned completely towards her that she didn't need to anyway.

"You can ask… but I still don't have an answer for you." Chloe was honest. "I don't know how to describe it Bree. Technically all my dreams are finally falling into place because I kissed you and you kissed me back, and I've wanted to do that for god only knows how long, and what we have is _finally _more than friendship… but it's like… It's like my dreams were given to me with all these terms and conditions that I wasn't expecting."

"Like the fact that the girl you thought you loved is a whore." Aubrey nodded, not meaning for the words to sound as icy as they did.

"Don't say that." Chloe's eyes shut against the harshness of the blonde's words, her voice dropping to a hollow whisper. "I don't think I love you, I know I do, and I'd never, _ever _consider you a whore, or in any way lesser to anyone else for that matter."

"I didn't…" Aubrey faltered again, covering her face with her hands for a moment before dragging them up through her hair and looking back at the red head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay… I get it, or at least I'm willing to try and get it." She shook her head, her smile reappearing. "Now, waffles or pancakes?"

"Why can't it be both?" Aubrey let out a long frustrated groan, for the time being pushing her fears to the back of her mind.

"Because you wouldn't be able to wait long enough for me to make both." Chloe informed her with a smirk.

"Lies!" Aubrey laughed. "You know I'm well aware you hide pancake and waffle mix in the press?"

"What? That was a secret!" Chloe's eyes went wide in genuine shock.

"Chloe, yesterday you burned pasta… what made you think that I believed you were able to cook breakfast foods from scratch but no other meal of the day?" Aubrey teased; her laughter growing as Chloe's look grew more and more horrified.

"Shut up or you'll get nothing…" Chloe muttered indignantly, throwing a challenging look at the blonde.

"It'd probably be safer." Aubrey pointed out, breaking down into complete hysterics when Chloe flipped her off and walked out of the room, mumbling loudly about how ungrateful some people were.

Aubrey was still laughing to herself when her phone buzzed. The smile dropped even before she checked the text. The warmth in her stomach instantly turning to a fiery pain as she slid her thumb across the screen.

_Tonight at 9, same place as usual._

She felt her breath hitch in her throat and tears pool in her eyes. She knew that coming clean to Chloe wouldn't magically put an end to what she was doing. It was just easier to forget about it until reality came crashing back in on you like this.

"What's wrong?" She hadn't heard Chloe come back into the room, only looking up from the text when the concerned tone broke through the crippling silence.

She didn't answer. She couldn't answer. How was she supposed to say she had to leave? Had to go and lie on a bed while men sweated over her? How did she say that to Chloe when try as the red head might, she really would never understand? Apparently Chloe knowing didn't make things easier after all.

"You have to go, don't you?" Chloe questioned, a long soft sigh falling from her lips when Aubrey nodded her head. "When?"

"About nine or so…" Aubrey rasped; her body shaking as she fought to control her tears.

She wasn't used to this kind of confrontation. She didn't know how Chloe would act when presented with the reality of what her life was. Sure it was one thing telling her but this was living it. This was being forced to either accept what Aubrey done, or walk away.

"I'll wait up." Chloe's reply was a simple as that. "Now, I was going to say pancakes are ready… and there may or may not be waffles too." She added then, again her façade falling so effortlessly into place.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

She did wait up. She waited until almost two in the morning for Aubrey to drag herself in the door, body both physically and emotionally exhausted. She didn't greet her though; instead she sat in Aubrey's bed, listening as the blonde staggered through the apartment towards the bathroom.

She wiped furiously at the tears in her eyes as she heard Aubrey turn on the shower, the noise of the water drowning out the blonde's own sobs. When the faucet was turned off Chloe rose from the bed, picking up the pyjama's she'd neatly folded earlier and walking around, waiting until Aubrey appeared in a towel.

They didn't speak. They didn't need to. They could see everything they needed to in one another's red, bloodshot eyes.

Chloe moved towards Aubrey with as much confidence as she could muster, pulling softly at the towel until it fell down from around the other woman. She let her eyes wander, not lustfully, but mournfully, taking in bruises and bite marks that were normally kept covered, each in various phases of healing.

She took Aubrey's hand then and led her to sit at the edge of the bed before getting down on her knees beside her. Each touch was delicate and caring as Chloe first pulled underwear up over Aubrey's legs, fixing them in place without once letting her eyes linger on the bruises.

Her hands barely touched Aubrey's skin as she pulled the pyjama bottoms up next, standing up once she'd pulled them up to reach the blonde's hips. She took both Aubrey's hands again then, easing them until they were over the blondes head before slipping the pyjama top on over her.

The entire time they never once broke eye contact, both of them spilling fresh tears long before Chloe was finished her work. Long before the red head pushed Aubrey gently back into the bed and pulled the covers over her, sliding in next to her seconds later and wrapping an arm around the other woman's waist.

"I love you." Chloe whispered, placing a delicate kiss on the corner of Aubrey's mouth. "I love you, but tomorrow we need to talk."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_There's a lot of bruises here Ms Posen."_

"_I fall a lot…"_

"_Do you often fall on something in the shape of a bite mark?"_

"_I came here for a check-up, not a lecture."_

"_We get girls like you here a lot Ms Posen… we can offer support services."_

"_Girls like me?"_

"_I don't mean it to sound offensive…"_

"_I'm not… I'm not one of them…"_

"_I'm not judging you Ms Posen, I'm merely…"_

"_I'm not one of them! I'm a nineteen year old student studying law. I come from a respectable family. My fathers a business man and my mother's a corporate lawyer. I'm not one of them. I don't walk the streets… I don't put personal adds in papers… I don't… I don't… I don't want to be one of them."_

"_I didn't mean to upset you Ms Posen. I'll just get back to your medical…"_

"… _Doctor?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_What do you do when you've hit rock bottom?"_

"_You start climbing back up again…"_

"… _And if you can't?"_

"_Then you find someone that'll help you every step of the way."_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Aubrey rolled over in the bed the next morning she found it empty. She felt irrational fear consumer her instantly. Chloe wouldn't just walk away from her in the middle of the night, would she? You see that was that thing. What would Chloe do? What was going on in the red heads mind? Behind them sweet blue eyes and beyond the understanding smile, what was she thinking? Aubrey still hadn't gotten an answer to that, and for that split second, when she rolled over to an empty bed, she thought maybe she had.

"Morning sleepy." The whisper came from the door behind her, just as Aubrey was really about to worry.

"Chlo'!" Aubrey's tired voice still managed to sound excited, the blonde rolling over quickly in the bed to face the red head leaning against the doorframe. "You weren't… I didn't know where you were." She settled on, ashamed to admit that she'd thought the red head had done a runner.

"I was making you breakfast." Chloe smiled softly, coming over to sit at the edge of the bed, the backs of her fingers gliding gently down the side of the blondes cheek. "I was going to wake you, but you were out cold… I figured I'd just leave you be."

"Thanks." Aubrey replied, pulling herself up to a sitting position in the bed, careful not to pull away from Chloe's palm which was now resting against her cheek.

Their eyes met properly for the first time that morning and shy grins broke across their faces. It was times like these they could forget about everything. It was times like this that it was just them in the room with no world around them to come crashing through what they had. It was times like this when Chloe was so overcome by everything she felt for the blonde that she let their mouths fall together, their lips dancing as they fell deeper into their own world.

Nothing lasts forever though. Or at least that's what Aubrey reminded herself when the red head inevitably broke their lips timeless waltz.

"What was that for?" She mumbled, her fingertips tracing over the tingling that'd been left behind on her lips by the other woman.

"I don't need to have a reason Bree." Chloe informed her, smiling the way she did when she found something endearing. "I sometimes just remember how smart, and funny, and beautiful you are and how much I love you and I decide that's reason enough to kiss you."

Aubrey didn't reply, instead letting Chloe pull her softly from beneath the covers and into the kitchen where waffles awaited her. She'd never really been kissed before, not properly, not lovingly, not just because the person saw something in her that was worth kissing her for.

It should scare her. It should petrify her in fact. For someone, no, for Chloe to love her even though she knew the truth, even though she'd seen the evidence, it should paralyze Aubrey in fear, and in some ways it did. In some ways she was paralyzed by a whole new feeling of dread.

It wasn't the dread of being judged though, nor the fear of being exposed to the world for who she really was. It was the fear of losing the one thing she now had left to hold dear. It's a fear that can only be felt by someone who's lost so much of themselves that they're sure they've nothing to worry about anymore, nothing left to lose.

Love's always there to lose though, especially when you least expect it, and as they sat down for what felt to Aubrey like a last supper of sorts, she just hoped that once they'd talked love would still be there to lose.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Chloe…" Aubrey finally managed to speak up, her eyes following the red head as she seemed to glide around the cramped kitchen tidying after breakfast.

"Mhm." Chloe's melody sung back to her, her blue eyes never quite leaving the counter she was wiping down.

"You said we needed to talk…" Aubrey trailed off, scared to death of what was to come, but willing to face it now while she still had the courage to.

"I know…" Chloe sighed, her natural swaying stopping instantly as she seemed to come crashing back to reality. "I know… I'm just… I'm just scared to Bree." She confessed, turning slowly and gripping the counter behind her with her palms, never quite making direct eye contact.

"What scares you?" The blonde questioned, feeling her heart clash against her rib cage alarmingly fast but swallowing down the fear, adamant to keep her head held high.

"I'm scared that after we won't be us anymore." The red head confessed quietly, seeming to take a moment to compose her thoughts before she continued. "Part of me thinks that maybe we can ignore it and that it'll go away, but it won't. It'll never go away unless we face it head on and it's nothing but wishful thinking for me to even consider otherwise. I want to be with you Aubrey but right now… right now I don't know what we have, because even though this is the closest we've ever come to being together, what you told me… what you told me makes me feel further apart from you than ever."

"What do we do?" Aubrey sighed, shutting her eyes against reality as Chloe sat beside her, the red head wrapping her fingers around Aubrey's shaky hands.

"I have money Bree… I can help pay for college…" Chloe began; her voice gentle.

"No!" Aubrey's eyes shot open instantly, her stare hard. "I'm not accepting money from you Chloe. I'm not taking something I can't pay back. I mean don't you get it? I spend my life accepting money from people; I can't let you be the same. I can't let you hand me a wad of cash every now and again in exchange for being your girlfriend…" Her voice softened towards the end, as a silent tear rolled down the edge of her face.

"This wouldn't be the same Bree." Chloe pleaded, desperate for the blonde to understand. "This wouldn't be the same at all. You'd pay me back once you were a lawyer and…"

"It is the same though Chloe." Aubrey snapped. "Whichever way you paint this picture it's the exact same outcome. You'd be giving me money to have me the way you want me, to make me yours…"

"That's not how it is." Chloe interjected quickly. "I'd be loaning you money to keep you safe. You need to stop being so unreasonable and try and see where I'm coming from here Aubrey!" She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"This may seem unreasonable to you, but you don't get it. You don't get what it's like." Aubrey's voice rose as she stood from the chair, suddenly unable to sit so close to Chloe. "Who I am, and what I do… It kills me every day of my life. It chips away at me piece by piece and I will not have you become another contributing factor because you mean to much to me." Her words were like poison when they rolled from her lips, leaving Aubrey unsure whether she hated herself or the solution more.

"Aubrey I'm not a contributing factor!" Chloe cried. "The difference between me and those men is that I love you. I love you Aubrey. I love you and I just want you to be happy." She begged her to understand.

"What if I don't deserve you to love me?!" Aubrey spat suddenly, her self-loathing having eventually broken her down completely.

"Aubrey what are you talking about… Everyone deserves to be loved." Chloe soothed, tears streaming down her cheeks as she watched the woman she loved break.

"What if I don't? What if I don't deserve to be loved because I give my love away so fucking freely?" The blonde screamed, her vocal chords aching almost as much as her heart.

"Don't." Chloe choked out, her hand coming up to rest against her pounding chest as waves of nauseous tears rose up through her. "Don't ever say that, you do… you do deserve to be loved."

The words hung in the air, only broken by the occasional sob from Chloe as she fought to compose herself. Aubrey's tears chose to fall silently, the blonde haired woman watching as Chloe's entire body seemed overcome with pain.

"This was a mistake." She found herself saying, unsure of where the words had come from but knowing they were true as she pushed passed the red head and out of the small kitchen.

"Aubrey no, please wait!" Chloe screamed after her, her sea blue eyes turned frantic as they followed the woman out of the room. "What was a mistake?"

"… I don't know…" Aubrey's words stuck in her throat as she said them yet she continued to move, not stopping until she reached the door. "Maybe I was…" Barely a whisper now, the words sticking in the air along with Chloe's heart wrenching pleas as she thrust the door open and ran out into the cold hall.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_Shit!"_

"_Aubrey Posen, what have I told you about using that word!"_

"_All the other kids in my class say it mom!"_

"_And if all the other kids in your class jumped off a cliff would you?"_

"… _No."_

"_Exactly, so why let one silly mistake they make define the mistakes you make?"_

"_I dunno…"_

"_Aubrey honey the answer is we shouldn't."_

"_Oh…"_

"_Aubrey, something my mother told me was that it's only our own decisions that define us, no one else's."_

"_So…?"_

"_So you are your mistakes Aubrey. Don't let other kids help you make more."_

"_I can be defined by my mistakes?"_

"_Mhm… Never forget that."_

"_I won't mom, I won't."_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Why are you here?" Beca's question was instant when the young woman opened her door to find Aubrey leaning against the frame on the other side.

"Why am I always here?" Aubrey's reply was gruff and disheartened, all energy having left her when she'd walked away from her fight with Chloe.

"You have Chloe for that now." Beca reminded her, none the less allowing the blonde to walk past her into the small room. "You have Chloe now Aubrey, and you know I'll always be here for you but we both know you don't need me anymore… you have something better."

"What if I don't anymore? What if I've fucked up things with Chloe just like I've fucked up everything else in my life?" Her words cut the air like daggers, the coldness of her tone seeming to paralyse Beca for a moment.

Before she could reply Beca's phone buzzed frantically on the desk beside them, both woman turning at once to see Chloe's name flash across the screen. Aubrey made a grab at Beca's hand as the brunette reached for the mobile but was too slow, getting pushed away as Beca hit answer.

"Hello?" Beca fell silent yet her eyebrows knit together as Chloe's panicked sobs floated through the speaker. "Chloe, Chloe it's okay… It's okay I swear, she's here. Yea she's here and she's not going anywhere, I promise." Beca soothed, her eyes staying trained on Aubrey, expecting the blonde to make a run for it. "Okay, yea, that's fine. Okay I'll see you then…"

"She's coming over, isn't she?" Aubrey looked away, willing her tears not to fall as she felt her anger bubble.

"She is." Beca nodded, watching with curiosity rather than trepidation as Aubrey fought with her emotions.

"Did you ever fucking consider that maybe I don't want to see her? Maybe I can't see her?" Aubrey's words fell from her lips in a low growl, her eyes finally darting back to Beca, now narrowed with fury.

"No. No I didn't." Beca was the kind of calm you could only be if you were confident in the truth you believed.

"Well why the fuck not?" Aubrey spat, anger spilling over as she fought to control her tears.

"Because you need her Aubrey." Beca nodded to her own truth. "You think you can't see her. You probably think you don't deserve to see her but it's not true. You need her because contrary to your own belief there is good in you, and she's the only one that can show you if you let her."

"She doesn't understand though…" Aubrey whispered, feeling the lump rise further in her throat. "She doesn't understand what… what I've been through… what I've done."

"Damn right I don't." The comment took Aubrey off guard, swivelling quickly to where Chloe stood breathless in the doorway that had been left ajar. "But no one ever will Bree. No one but you. No matter how much you tell me, or how much I see, I'll never be able to even begin to comprehend what you've gone through. When you cry yourself to sleep I'll never be able to tell you that I know how you feel. When you open up about things that've happened I'll never be able to compare stories. When your pain's too much for you to express there's no way I'll be able to understand and empathise with you." Chloe was crying now, the tears shimmering against her soft skin. "When you cry I'll hold you though; no matter what. When you open up I'll listen and I'll hold your hand regardless of what I hear, and whenever your pain is just too much for you to express I'll remind you that I love you. I love you for who you are now and who you're going to be in the future. I love you for everything you've been through and if you _ever _feel like everything's just too much please, please remember that. Remember I'll always love you Aubrey Posen and remember that for every bad experience you have that I'll never be able to understand, I want to spend the rest of my life creating ten good ones to make up for it."

Chloe's lips were salty when Aubrey kissed them, though she was sure her own were as well as her tears rolled hot and fast from her eyes. Their kiss turned to an embrace. They just stood there, arms wrapped around one another. In that moment they were one another's life line, pure and simple.

The door clicked shut as Beca left the room and only then did the real world come back to them long enough for them to pull apart.

"You shouldn't have left." Chloe whispered, keeping a hold of both Aubrey's hands in fear she'd try and leave again.

"I know…" She was ashamed of her actions, there was no doubt. "I got scared."

"Why though? I only wanted to help?" Chloe pointed out, her grasp around the blondes fingers tightening at the conversation moved once more back to the source of the original argument.

"I want you to help too. I do." Aubrey promised, biting down on her lip as she felt the same fear re-immerge. "I just… I was scared you'd realize that there was no quick fix solution. You just thought throwing money at my problem would make it go away… but it wouldn't. It won't. I was scared you'd figure that out and just give up."

"It was dumb of me to offer you that money; wasn't it?" Chloe sighed, seeming embarrassed by her actions.

"It was also pretty dumb of me to storm out like that." Aubrey offered as compensation.

"How about this…" Chloe ventured after some consideration. "You cut clients out gradually and I'll get you a job at my parents firm this summer. You can save up and you won't need to work when you go for your grads course in September. By then we'll _obviously _have a proper place together because I don't think I can imagine my life without you, and because I'll be working as a nurse I can pay rent and stuff until you're able to afford to."

"It's a lot to ask you to do…" Aubrey pointed out; hating the way Chloe looked at her as if this was going to be fun for both of them.

"You're right, it is, and nothing about it will ever be easy, and at no point am I going to look at you and prefer this version of our lives to the version I had planned out when I first realized I loved you, but having to spend my life without you in it's a lot worse than a few bumps along the road." Chloe responded with a sigh. "So…?"

"So…" Aubrey began to smile, only small at first though it finally engulfed her entire face and reached her eyes. "So I think I really love you Chloe Beale and for the first time I'm after realizing how much you love me back."

"About goddamn time."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_Mom remember how you told me how to know if someone loves you?"_

"_Oh yes, how's that going by the way?"_

"_It's… it's complicated, but that's not what I want to talk about."_

"_Well what is it then honey?"_

"_How do you know if they love you back?"_

"_It's almost impossible to tell…"_

"_Well that's no good to me."_

"_It's true though. I still do this day can never be one hundred per cent sure your father loves me."_

"_So there's no way of knowing?"_

"_Oh now that's not what I said… I merely meant that the one way you can tell is almost impossible to test."_

"_What is it?"_

"_Your grandmother told me it. It's when love is tested."_

"_Mom… you and dad test your love almost every day. You're constantly arguing!"_

"_Not that kind of testing dear…"_

"_What then?"_

"_You can only know someone truly loves you when their acceptance of you is tested. When everything they thought they knew about you is ripped out from under them and they still come running to you. When they're able to accept that you're not something that they can simply fix to the way you used to be or to the way they want and they still consider you worth fighting for. It's only then that you can ever really know you're everything to them. It's only then you know for sure for sure that they love you."_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Aubrey knew it was late when she turned her key in the door and pushed it open as slowly and as quietly as she could. She hated herself for being late because she'd promised she'd not let this happen again. She knew Chloe would more than likely be mad at her and she knew the red head had every right to be mad at her as well.

She sighed when she checked the time on her phone. Half two in the morning. At least any arguments they'd have would wait until the morning.

Or so she thought.

"You should have called." Chloe's voice was gravely and tired, the red head having fallen asleep on the couch to be woken by the click of Aubrey's heels on the hard wood.

"You know I can't call you when I'm with a client Chlo'." Aubrey sighed, admitting defeat in her attempt to remain silent as she shrugged off her trench coat and walked over to curl herself on the couch beside the other woman.

"A text would have sufficed." The red head pointed out, wiping sleep from her eyes.

"You're pissed, aren't you?" Aubrey questioned, receiving a nonchalant shrug in response.

"A little…" Chloe admitted eventually. "I'm glad you're home though." She added, a smile now cracking her features as she reached out a hand to entwine their fingers.

"And I will be for the rest of the weekend." Aubrey promised, looking down to where Chloe's thumb stroked over the back of her hand.

They stayed like that for a moment. Both staring as Chloe's thumb continued its comforting motions. Both were tired and neither had much to say at that exact moment, they were just happy to be in one another's company.

"We should go to bed you know…" Chloe pointed out with a low sigh. "We've a big day tomorrow."

"Don't remind me." Aubrey groaned. "First weekend I get away from work in a month and I'm going to be spending it with a plethora of screaming five year olds."

"As far as I remember it was you that agreed to the party when Grace asked, not me." Chloe reminded her wife with a low chuckle, adoring the way Aubrey's face scrunched up in regret.

"You know I can't say no to her… it's like my weakness in life." The blonde pouted.

"The great Aubrey Posen's kryptonite is a five year old." Chloe giggled, rolling her eyes at Aubrey's expression. "Easy knowing she's your daughter." She added, nudging her wife playfully.

"Our daughter." Aubrey corrected quietly, her expression softening as it always did when she said the two simple words.

"Our daughter." Chloe nodded, her own smile mellowing. "Now come on, our bed awaits, and I'm pretty sure we don't have to go to sleep right away." She added with a wicked smirk, pulling Aubrey to her feet and leaving a lingering kiss on her lips before leading the way to their room.

Aubrey couldn't help but smile. A real genuine smile that found itself to her face more often with each passing day. There was no doubt the last ten years had been difficult, but she'd gotten through them. She'd gotten through them with Chloe by her side every step of the way and now ten years on she could finally smile.

She could wake up in the morning and smile as her wife's warm body lay curled into her side, knowing she was the only person she'd ever share a bed with for the rest of her life. She could smile as she watched her daughter sit at the table eating breakfast or watching cartoons, knowing that because of her own mistakes she was wise enough to make sure her daughter never had to face what she did. She could smile walking into her office each morning of her life, knowing that everyone viewed her as equal; they viewed her as a partner in their firm, a powerful lawyer and nothing else.

She could really genuinely smile without the pain of her past lying beneath it. She could smile, and it was all because of the red head that was currently pushing her softly back into the bed sheets.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_I believe you've prepared your own vows?"_

"_We have…"_

"_Okay. Chloe if you'd like to start."_

"_Today Aubrey, I'm going to make you my wife, but you're a lot more than that to me. You're a lot more than just the woman I love. You're my best friend. You're my rock. You're my inspiration. I know you've been through a lot over the years, and knowing that has given me the chance to watch you grow. To watch you overcome. To watch you become the woman I see before me today. You didn't let your past break you, even though it tried. You held your head high against it and you fought on because deep down inside you, even in your darkest times you knew there was something worth fighting for. You claim that something to be me, but I think you're wrong. What's worth fighting for is you. You are the greatest person I've ever met and it's your courage and your strength that has taught me to be a better person. I won't lie, it's been difficult for us to get to where we stand today, but I wouldn't trade a single second of it because I love you Aubrey Posen. I love you more than I ever imagined I could love another person, and I can't wait to make you my wife."_

"_Chloe you're perfect to me. From your auburn hair, to your sky blue eyes, even to the little scar you have on your forehead, but you're so much more than that as well. To me you're not just the physical perfection everyone sees; you're my own personal perfect as well. You're what I needed in my life even before I knew it. You healed me in ways I didn't even know I needed to be healed. You held my hand and you gave me a shoulder to cry on and not once did you look at me any different than you did the first day I met you. It's because of you I'm standing here today. You taught me that I'm good enough. You showed me that things would get better, and they did. They did because now I'm standing at this alter about to make you my wife. I convinced myself that nothing was forever. That everything ended eventually. To me that was the easiest way to survive. Standing here though I know I'm wrong. The love I have for you isn't something that'll ever go away. You've healed me and you've made me strong and for that not a day will go by that I don't thank whoever's up there for putting you in my life."_

_Life has its ups and life has its downs. At the end of the day though it's only the moments you choose to hold on to that'll count. Aubrey was definitely holding onto this one._


End file.
